###     Beaufort Scale    ###       

Knots: 0 Term: Dead No windsurfers in sight. Retirees reading newspapers spread on foreshore. Cyclists race past enthusiastically in both directions. Knots: 1-5 Term: Hardly movin' Novice flounders on flat water's edge with dirty TC Beacher, stretched triangler sail and 14 foot boom. Hats everywhere. Retirees holding newspapers. Knots: 5-10 Term: Nottalottawind Big hats blow off. Raceboards with acres of monofilm take off and disappear. Children fly fragile kites. Cars, with slalom boards on top, slow down then drive off. Knots: 10-15 Term: Orright Longboards everywhere. Seagulls hover, apparently motionless, while flying to windward. Optimistic shortboard sailors rigging up, bitter and cynical ones stop their cars and sit watching the beach, trying not to look excited. Retirees mutter when trying to turn pages. Hats tied down. Knots: 15-25 Term: Hot Foreshore mainly covered with sails etc. No room for retirees. Stunt kites make tearing noises and regularly crash. Seagulls flag forwards but blown backwards. No hats. Cyclists ride to windward with a strained expression while others hurtle downwind gleefully. Novices and sailors without harnesses give up. Posers doing forward loops. Can't turn newspaper pages without getting into car. Knots: 25-35 Term: Howlin' Wave boards everywhere. Small children crying. Only diehard spectators on foreshore. Having to pin sail to ground to put mast in sleeve. Sand stings your legs. Windsurf magazine photographers arrive. Pelicans put on Giro aerodynamic helmets. Signs wobble. Knots: 35-45 Term: Unbelevable Nobody on beach except wetsuited sailors. Need two eyes. Beach showers spray horizontally. Roaming small dogs picked up and blown past. Impossible to read newspaper even at home without windows closed. Sailors flipped totally over rigs while attempting waterstarts. Experienced sailors constantly taildancing. Boards blow off cars while attaching tie-downs. Cyclists attempting to ride upwind or downwind, all hurtle downwind with terrified expressions. Knots: 45-60 Term: Suicidal Cheeks puff out and lips whistle when you open your mouth. Windsurfers crashing look like they are being fast-forwarded on video. Total novices do forward loops. Most sailors having spectator conferences in cars, which are wobbling. Other sailors lying on their rigs. Noisy in Car even with windows up. Masts and booms blow off cars while attaching tie-downs. Cattle dogs fly past with broken chains. Signs bend. Knots: 60+ Term: Just stupid Wide World of Sports crew arrives to film the one maniac who's still out there. Car shaking violently. Rottweilers and great danes fly past with chains still attached to kennels. If you have enough strength to open the car doors and get out you can lean about 45 degrees into the wind and fly like a parachutist. You go home to watch him on TV... It's too dangerous here!!!

      Good forecast? Maybe you should RENT AN APARTMENT!